It's something I've been feeling a lot lately. In fact, all semester. That things just aren't coming together, that there's a whole lot of uncertainty. That there's no final end in sight, that I can't see over the horizon. And I'm scared of that. But its also something I've learned to come to grips with, and am in the process of learning to be okay with.
Because what does the word unfinished mean?
Take a look at all three of those descriptions in the definition. And then flip them around.un·fin·ished
[uhn-fin-isht]
Finished. Complete. Accomplished.
Do I really want my life to be that at the age of 20? To me, the words finished and complete provide certainty and conclusion. Things are how they are, and come at the end of whatever they're describing. Could this possibly be the case at this time in my life? I don't think so. And that's good. Because those words eliminate the room for change and growth and all the experiences that life on earth offers. I've barely scratched the surface in terms of how I think and see the world, and how I approach the religion that I've claimed for most of my life but only truly lived for a fraction of it. Being finished implies that there's no more progress possible. And that is what would be truly scary. I would be utterly devastated if there was no room for improvement and maturation. I am positively not in a place right now where I would be content to stay. Maybe for me I won't feel that way for quite a long time, or ever at all.
So this leads to the last word. Accomplished. To me, being accomplished in something means someone who is an expert in their field. At this point I really feel like I'm accomplished in nothing. Film? Nope. Audio? Nada. Schoolwork? Definitely not. Christianity? Neophyte. But you know what? I'm happily coming to terms with this situation. Because I have hope through Christ. And where my hope lies determines where my progress lies. Since hope is defined by what is not, I'm unfinished. I'm incomplete. There is oh so much room for improvement.
And yet why would I not want that?
Do I want to be a static person? Do I want to accept the plateau and forsake the valleys and mountaintops? Leading a life devoid of change begets dullness and refuses to recognize the way that God can move in your life. It's a journey that brings us alongside towering verdant forests, tumultuous waves crashing against a rocky coastline; birds singing the joys of life, the struggles of the lowliest creatures. But all along this path there is a constant, enduring hope. One that says that:
The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand. (psalm 37:23-24 esv)This is a certainty I can hold on to. Stumbling is inevitable. But what greater comfort is there to know that the Lord is there all along keeping you upright? The knowledge and belief and hope in the promises of God should cause me to walk through the world in a different way. The paradigm has shifted. No longer does a sense of fear prevail, but dare I say it, excitement should be the order of the day. Excitement that we have spiritual gifts to be used. Excitement that we can engage in the most authentic community possible. Excitement that we have the creator of all things to walk along with us, hold our hands, and guide us. Excitement for the possibilities of the future. And excitement that we aren't finished yet, and are in the best possible hands to be in.
So I'm no math genius, but today a new equation has become apparent to me.
Unfinished = Excitement.